Thursday, July 31, 2008

My Little Life

To say that I'm not excited and happy about going to seminary would be a blatant lie. However, coupled with that truth is the obvious fear and uncertainty - basically of the unknown. What lies ahead? What will be around the corner of this little life of mine?

But this "little life" is not mine to control. My life does not belong to myself or another - only to God. Oh, how I wish I lived out that simple statment on a day-to-day basis. Instead I often find myself frustrated and angry when I try to take control yet again, and make my own plans without consulting my Lord for what His plans are for me.

A good friend of mine once sent me an email that had a great thought (thanks, Noreen!): "Make your plans in pencil, but give God the eraser." Amen!

So often I try to write my life in ink, thinking that my ideas are good (and they might very well be so), but are they the best? I cannot, in my own power, think of the best plans for my life. It is impossible, since I do not know what I will encounter in the future, nor who I will be in just a few short months. How could I possibly plan my life out when tomorrow holds surprises and plans of its own?

Every time I have written my plans in ink, I can almost - in hindsight - hear God chuckle or imagine Him to shake His holy head at me, saying "Oh, My child, do we have to go through this again?" But in His never-ending patience, He still walks beside me and guides me, even when I'm not very guide-able.

And when we write something in ink and make a mistake, often we must start over so as to avoide crossing words out and making a bigger mess. How well this translates over to the spiritual! When I write my plans in "ink", undoubtedly two things will happen: 1. I make a mess of things trying to cross out my plans to fit into God's plans, and 2. God will have to go back over my mess and erase it (which often includes time and pain).

So why am I bringing all this up for my first post? Simply to say, yet again, that my little life is not my own. I cannot make my own plans and expect God to just follow along, like He is some sort of puppy on a leash. I must give Him full control, and learn to sit back and watch Him in all His glory.

I invite you to travel with me in this experience. I have no idea what lies ahead in my experiences in seminary, preparing me for a life of ministry, but I can guarantee that God will not hold back on being the Author of my life.

I am a very adventurous and spontaneous person. I love surprises and not knowing what will happen next. To me, God is the ultimate Adventure - discovering Him, exploring His Creation, marveling at His power... these are all things that take my breath away. I cannot wait to see what He has in store for me, whether it be joyous blessings or suffering - there is a reason for everything and in every reason there is God.

Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of dawn, or settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me; your right hand will hold me fast. Psalm 139:6-7

To my church family (for which this blog is primarily created): Feel free to leave comments, send email, or *hint, hint* send snail mail (which I LOVE to receive). I want to stay in close touch with all of you - not just when I'm blessed to go back home. I'll miss you all more than I'll ever be able to communicate, and I love you all with all my heart. Thank you for all you love, prayers, support and hugs. I treasure each and every one of you.

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 2 Corinthians 13:14


Adrian said...

This was a beautiful entry Stef. I can't wait to see where God leads you in this new adventure.

Btw, I love the look of your blog. ;)

Heather said...

Very inspiring and beautiful,Stef. I'm so excited to see what lies ahead for you. I can just feel it!

It's Heather,BTW.

nmetzler said...

My life is not my own...

How often I am reminded of this very thing! Thanks, Stef!

yocat12 said...

Stefanie, as I told you this morning, I'm so grateful that I was able to meet you and wish you God's blessings on your way. I'll keep in touch.

Heather said...

Just thinking of you,Stef! Hope your moving went well! I can't wait to hear how you are!

Melody said...

Ah what words of wisdom you shared with us here Stef.

I can't wait to see what this adventure leads you. I'm so glad that God allows us a way to keep in touch.