Thursday, November 6, 2008

Tip of the Iceberg

Sometimes so much happens in one's life that to sit down and write it all out is quite a daunting task. Especially for me, anyway. Hence, my silence for the past few weeks. Some things are just hard to put into words. To try to explain what God is doing in my heart is hard to explain. And to try to explain the new friendships that have popped into my life is hard as well.

I can try to do "bullet points" - we'll see how that goes:

- I'm learning to enjoy where I'm at in the moment. Instead of wishing for the next day or the future, I'm learning to enjoy the moment - whatever that moment is. And I've had some intense struggling moments in the past few weeks. But I rejoice in those moments because they make me fall to my knees in desperation for my Savior. I'm realizing that I need His truth and guidance more than I ever have in my life thus far. Along with that, I'm realizing that He's demanding my faith and trust even more. What's so amazing is that I've been blessed to see the fruit of this struggle. Life is just amazing right now. :)

- Like I said, I've really been struggling lately with some emotional things. To be a bit more open, I haven't been quite this broken in a long time. It's been a learning process for me to "pour my heart out" before God. I've never experienced such freedom in knowing that God truly sees all my struggles and hurts and everything that I think and feel, and through it all still loves me with a patient, merciful love. It's been simply healing.

- I get frustrated (a lot) with school work. Some people love to go to school and work toward a degree, do papers, take exams, read (boring) books, etc. I'm not that into school. I work hard and try to remain as diligent as possible, but there's always a class or professor that just loves to kick the crap out of me each semester. Trying not to be bitter can be hard, I'm finding.

- I've discovered that I've really grown in accepting myself for who I am. And because of that, I'm more comfortable around others (generally), instead of hiding in the corner like a wallflower. My insecurities will pop up, but learning to "turn off" those lies with truth has been a growth point for me. Back in college I would continually doubt myself, doubt whether others liked me for WHO I AM, instead of who I pretended to be. Now, to put it frankly, I don't care. I just enjoy life, and I enjoy who God is creating me to be. And here's what's interesting: because I enjoy life I find that I'm much more available for God. (Note: I did not say more "able" since I have very little of worth that would enable me to "do" anything.) I have a LONG way to go in this, but it's so good and so encouraging to see progress, even in the smallest amount. The gifts He's so graciously given me have been put more to use, and it's exciting to see Him move in mighty ways in my life and others' lives.

I think that basically covers the tip of the iceberg. ;) All in all, God is amazing in His Authorship, not only in His precious Word, but in our lives as well. He's the ultimate Adventure, and I can't wait to see what happens tomorrow!


nmetzler said...

I hear you... every single word.

My prayers are with you, Steph. Keep pressing on!

Anne Marie said...

i just wanna say... i wish i had talked to you more! we could've really held each other up, taking turns going through the same things. well, we have next semester! <3